How does a
monster begin a fairy
tale?
"Once upon a slime . . ."
ssri and premature ejaculation
What do you call a parrot when it has dried
itself
after a bath?
Polly unsaturated!
BodyBuilding
Two cannibals were having lunch.
"Your
wife makes a great soup," said one to the other.
"Yes!" agreed the
first. "But I'm going to miss her terribly."
fertilizer nutrients
Yo mama has so many chins, it looks like
she's wearing a fat necklace !!
Pregnancy
An English professor wrote the words, "Woman
without her
man is nothing" on the blackboard and directed his
students to
punctuate it correctly.
The men wrote: "Woman, without her
man, is nothing."
The women wrote: "Woman: Without her, man is
nothing."
Wedding Ideas
Son: Where are the Himalayas?
Father: If
you'd put things away, you'd know where to find
them.
wholesale mortgage
Meg's mother was visiting her daughter at camp.
'How did you find
the steak dinner?' she asked.
'With a
magnifying glass!'
perennial garden designs
What do you get if you cross a trumpet and a
serpent ?
A snake in the brass !
extreme sports skiing
How many South Dakotans does it take to go ice
fishing?
Four. One to cut the hole in the ice, and three to push
the boat
through.
organic pet foods
Knock Knock
Who's there !
Ahmed
!
Ahmed who ?
Ahmed a big mistake coming here !
BaronDennetKK
What goes 'peck, bang, peck, bang, peck, bang'
?
A bunch of chickens in a field full of balloons !
StrahanLorenWd
Laws of
Accounting
1. Trial balances
don't
2. Bank reconciliations never do
3. Working Capital does
not
4. Return on Investments never will
BrikBertrandae
What did the baby owl's parents say when he
wanted
to go to a party?
You're not owld enough.
BerkeleyConnqg
"Will I ever be able to race my horse again" the
owner asked the vet.
The vet replied, "You certainly will, and
you'll probably beat her
too!"
SulyenWestleahrK
Doctor, Doctor you've taken out my
tonsils, my adenoids, my gall bladder, my varicose veins and my
appendix, but I still don't feel well.
That's quite enough out of
you!
CaswallonEibhearNa
How do we know that hamburgers love classic
music?
They're often found at the Meatropolitan Opera House and
Cownegie
Hall!
EachthighearnCIydeoT
Did you hear the new penalty for
speeding in Illinois?
The first offense they give you Bears tickets
and the second offense
they make you use them.
BrenGilmerJZ
Webster's Dictionary definition of Windows
95
Windows95: n.
32 bit extensions and a graphical shell
for a 16 bit patch to an 8 bit
operating system originally coded for
a 4 bit microprocessor, written
by a 2 bit company, that can't
stand 1 bit of competition.
SalbatoreRutherfordqb
Q: How many grips does it take to screw in
a light bulb?
A: Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
AldsBeorhtZg